Although everyone goes through the difficult phase of divorce, most of the times it is the children who are hit hard by the effects that follow. First of all, as a parent, the main concern which should always be on your list of priorities is the health of your children – their physical, mental, and emotional health. Here are some of the most crucial ways you can protect your children and assist them to deal with your divorce.
Avoid Them Getting Involved In Conflicts
In as much as is possible avoid getting your children involved in any quarrels or incidences that you may have with your ex-spouse. Although there can be conflicts, avoid taking the kids through arguments, harsh language, accusations, or power plays. Such an environment can be stressful for children and cause insecurity and fear in their mind.
Reassure Your Kids
Make sure that children do not feel that the divorce advice is their fault and that both parents will still be able to love them and take care of them in different homes. Admit that there will be some uncomfortable truth that these changes will require some amount of adaptation but assure your audience that you will always back the changes. Studies have highlighted how reassuring words from the parents can go a long way in enhancing mental well-being of children of divorce.
Establish New Routines
Ideally, it is better not to make any drastic changes or interruptions in your children’s schedule – sleeping, eating, learning, communicating with friends, sports, hobbies, etc. As much of a regular schedule as possible will make the kids feel more secure. That is where a custody agreement can come in handy as it can help to establish new routines.
Limit Disruption
If moving homes is required, try to ensure your children retain the same things in their lives – e.g. the same room for a child, same toys or stuffed animals, pet custody if possible, or the same neighborhood if possible. It is difficult on children to change too many aspects of their lives. Let them rely on these familiar concepts to support them.
The final step is to remain engaged and address any needs that may arise.
As you are going through your own issues, it is important to remain actively engaged and concerned about your children’s lives and wellbeing. Ensure that they make an effort to seek out teachers, school counselors, coaches, relatives, etc. who can provide them with additional support. Their welfare should always be a concern.
Let Them Share Feelings
Make sure your kids have a platform where they can express however they may be feeling without you putting more pressure on them. Emotions such as confusion, anger, anxiety, and guilt are common among children of divorce, but such children may not express these emotions. Allow them to express themselves to you or to counselors/therapists regarding the situations they are experiencing.
Inform Other Adults
If signs of behavioral change or deterioration in academic performance appear, consult the caregivers, teachers, coaches, etc., as they need to pay attention to your children and provide a proper environment and conditions for their development. Such minor shifts in the environment – divorce advice for example, fatigue, distractibility, or depression – may be the result of the divorce and require caregiving. The more pairs of eyes on the lookout, the better.
Seeking Professional Help
Some of the mental health conditions which developed during divorce include depression, panic disorders, attachment disorders and risks divorce advice of substance abuse. In cases where the child is finding it difficult to come to terms with the separation, visits to child psychologists or grief counselors could be very helpful. These specialists are trained to guide children through the emotional turmoil.
With communication, calming words, minimization of disruption, and professional help – you can ensure your children’s safety during the divorce. Even though your marriage may be over, make sure that your loving relationship with your children will not be. Help them heal; they will appreciate it as they go through the remaining years of their lives.
